The Best Ways to save for your CHILD'S future

Let me start by saying...no one said you have to save for your child's college. College may not be in your kid's future, you may not have the ability to provide for their college financially, or you may not want to! All of that is just fine, if you're wanting to put something away to assist your kid with college, but have absolutely no idea where to start (like we were just a few months ago) then this post is for you!

We decided we would like to help our kids with college if they choose to do that. My main concerns:

-We are still so young, and plan to have a lot of living left to do. There are a lot of unknowns and I'm afraid to lock money away we may need in the future. For example, even though we have a great start to our retirement, what if something happens that inhibits us from putting more money away for the next 30 years (loss of a job, a disability etc.)

-What if they chooses not to go to college, or don’t need the money later for other reasons? For example receives a full ride to school or lots of scholarship. 

-We'd like to continue to save for another down payment on our next house.

-I want to have control over the account, because I'm a control freak.

We decided to do a combination of a couple of these routes, in order to best address my concerns. The primary ways I suggest considering to save for your child's college is one of these three ways:

1. Your own Roth IRA

2.  A State's 529 Plan

3.  Coverdell ESA (Education Savings Account)

Roth IRA

My personal favorite way to save for your child's college, is through your own Roth IRA. The biggest concern I have with people saving/paying for their child's college, is when the parents don't have their own financial future in order. By the time your child is in college, you need to feel pretty good about where you are in your current state, and retirement if you want to start paying for their education. That's why I love saving for college in a Roth IRA. Stocking up money in your own Roth IRA allows you to make sure you are not neglecting your future. As a reminder, a Roth IRA is money you're putting a side, after paying taxes on it. That means you can pull out the money tax-free later. The beauty of this is since you've already paid taxes on it, after 5 years you can pull out contributions (not earnings) tax-free, and when you are retirement age you can pull all of it out tax-free. I do not encourage ever touching your retirement account early, except in this circumstance if you are secure in what you have saved for your own retirement. If you don't have a Roth IRA, or don't know what that is, I've mentioned it before here. Even if you're not thinking about your child's college, I love Roth IRA accounts. 

Pros:

1. You're not neglecting your own retirement and financial future

2. Pull contributions out without a penalty as long as it has been 5 years or more since you put that money in. (also when you pull money out, you assume you're pulling out contributions first, which is good) This also applies for pulling money out for things like a down-payment or emergency

3. You always have control over the money, even when your child is in college

4. If your child doesn't go to college, you can still use the money for other things in retirement. You don't lose it or face a penalty to use it for something else

Cons:

1. Contribution limits are $5,500 per year. If you and your spouse both have Roth IRA's you can each contribute that much towards your own.

2.  No current tax breaks. You're paying taxes before you put the money in.

3. Can only pull out contributions without a penalty.  If you pull out investment income you will pay a penalty and tax.

529 Plans

These are my second favorite, and we opened one of these for our kids. Each state has a 529 plan, and you can set one up in whatever state, no matter what state you live in. This one is a bit trickier, because every state is different. We live in Virginia, and they have a great 529 plan in my opinion.

Pro:

1. Contribution Limits are practically non existent in my book. (you can only contribute until the balance for the beneficiary reaches $360,000...I can guarantee you we won't be saving that much for college)

2. Contributions may be deductible on your state income tax return. (This depends on your state. Virginia does, for example, which is great since we live/work here and I pay Virginia state tax. It wouldn't help someone in Oklahoma to do this, unless they were working in Virginia and paying state tax there.

3. Your child does not get ownership when they turn 18, you retain control

4. The gains are never taxed if used for qualified education expenses. 

5. If your child gets a scholarship, you can pull out the money equal to the scholarship amount without a penalty. The earnings will be subject to income tax at that point. That isn't so bad though. 

Con:

1.  You cannot pay for school expenses prior to college (example private school for high school)

2.  There is a penalty for spending the money on non-educational expenses.

3. Also if you pull money out, unlike a Roth IRA you are considered to be pulling out both contributions and earnings. So it cannot double as a retirement or emergency fund for you without being penalized for taking money out.

4. Pay attention to the fees and that there is stable management with whomever you decide to fund your 529 through. 

Coverdell Education Savings Account

Lastly, the ESA. There is nothing wrong with an ESA, there are some great things about them, but we primarily made the decision not to fund an ESA at this time because, I don't want our kids to have control over the account and I have no intention of ever paying for private school for them. These accounts are also fantastic ways to save, and if you're thinking of private school for K-12 I'd highly consider this. There is a big limitation based on income.

Pro:

1. You can use the money to pay for qualified K-12 education expenses

2.  Contributions are post-tax, and the investment income generated is never taxed if you pay for qualified expenses
3. Rumor has it you have more control over the investments in an ESA compared to a 529
4. If your child gets a scholarship, you can pull out the money equal to the scholarship amount without a penalty. The earnings will be subject to income tax at that point. That isn't so bad though. 

Con:

1. Each child can only receive $2,000 a year put into their ESA

2. Depending on the plan, your child owns the ESA when they reach 18 (so if your child decides to pull the money out to pay for whatever the cool gadget is in 2035, the child will pay a huge penalty and all you can do is smack them upside the head). I love our boys, and I'm sure they will grow up to be a great kids, but I know that my parents were smart not handing me a $60,000+ check when I turned 18 and saying "here, this is for college" because we all know where that would have gone (anything but college) 

3. Beneficiary must use the account before turning 30

DISCLAIMER: This is a quick once-over of the plans that I found to be most interesting. This does not detail every aspect of the plan, and I am not giving this as expert advice. My advice is to the average person looking to compare these 3 ways of saving for your child's college. Please see a financial adviser for more information.

UGMA- Uniform Gift to Minors Act, not necessarily focused on education. It is a trust account with a group of assets you are gifting to your child. A major drawback is that the child gets full control at 18 or 21. The parent is no longer in control and you cannot change the beneficiary to another child after they reach the age of majority.  Also, it will have negative financial aid impacts because it is considered income. Can be used on anything, not just education cost. 

Edited to add: Since this post was published the IRS has updated its rules surrounding 529 accounts. As of 2018: “You can use the money in a 529 account for K–12 private-school education” This is something you should be be aware of what the time frame is in which you’re investing money in the 529 plan.

Also the law change in 2019, has now made it possible to use your 529 to pay for your student loans: “ The Setting Every Community Up for Retirement Enhancement Act, a spending bill known as the SECURE Act, established a lifetime limit of $10,000 from a 529 plan that can be used without any penalties or tax consequences to repay the beneficiary's student loans, including federal and most private loans. An additional $10,000 can be used to repay student loans held by each of the beneficiary's siblings.”

If you still don’t know where to get started, check out COLLEGEBACKER.COM it is a great website to use to fund your 529 plan, and you can also have family members make contributions as gifts as well, a gift that can grow overtime, yes please!!! It makes it really easy to save for college. They provide recommendations on investment portfolios and manage the portfolio for you & I am not getting paid to refer you to their site :) 

Everyone likes to hype themselves up as a new year approaches and talk about all of their "New Year- New Me" Goals, but I'm not really a fan. I don't believe we have to wait until the start of a new year to reinvent ourselves, to make changes in our lives, or to work towards accomplishing something on our to-do list. Each day is an opportunity to start over and get things done.

With that being said, I do believe in setting goals and crushing them (read about that here) & I do believe in taking advantage of a clean slate, I just feel as though our motivation shouldn't come only at the start of a new year.

Here are a few easy ways to prepare for a bomb NEW YEAR. 

1. Set your intention for the year. "Most people don't plan to fail, they fail to plan" I am all about getting a new planner in the new year and mapping out your goals. The planner I am using this year is The Purposeful Planner by Corie Clark and it is the bomb.com. It has a section for everything you need. Seriously- From prayer to meal planning and budgeting. The Happy Planner is also a favorite of mine and the planner I used for a major part of 2017. You can also find really cute and inexpensive planners at Target, TJMaxx or Marshalls. (I will write a full post on the benefits of planners in 2018) but in the meantime buy one & START PLANNING! * EDITED TO ADD* My company Luxe Legal Papeterie will be releasing a FULL 3 Year Law School Planner in Spring 2021, subscribe to be the first to know.

2. Map out quarterly, monthly, and weekly goals. You can use your planner to do this, but also a journal works. Make sure you're writing the vision and working towards it daily. Seeing something on paper or written down makes it more real. One step closer to making an "idea or dream" a reality. Include the 4 main areas, that I discuss below and edit your goals as the year progresses. 

3. Assess your relationships. It may be tough but it is so beneficial to cut off dead relationships. It's not about them(well actually it is) but this is mainly about your personal growth and elevation. You can still love someone but you don't have to keep toxic people in your life just because of who they are and the title they carry. As you change and grow as a person so will your relationships with people, and that is ok. Don't let anyone make you feel like it is not. To grow & discover new things about yourself, or move on from old relationships. 

4. Establish Boundaries. PROTECT YOUR PEACE at ALL COST. You can do this by creating healthy boundaries in every relationship in your life. If you don't feel comfortable with how someone treats you, tell them. If you don't want to do something, DONT. If you are uncomfortable with talking about certain things with certain people, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.  NOT EVERYONE will understand your boundaries, sometimes they will push the boundaries you create, but stand firm & eventually they'll get the point - and if they don't - their problem, not yours. One of the greatest gifts I gave myself in 2017 was the ability to say NO & be done with something. NO is a complete sentence, you don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. DO YOU. 

5. Create a reading list. "Whenever you read a good book, somewhere in the world a door opens to allow in more light." —Vera Nazarian One of my short term goals before 2017 was over, was to catch up on leisure reading. Because let’s face it, in law school you don’t have time to read for fun! I really enjoy reading and could not wait to pick back up after walking across the stage in May. I started in the middle of the year & the goal was to read 1 book a month. I’m proud of myself for exceeding that GOAL.  

Here are the books I Completed: 

Each book truly enriched a different area of my life.  You should put some of these on your reading list in 2018. 

As I reflect on 2017, it has been a year full of abundance and blessings. Highlights being the birth of our Rainbow Baby Ian, Relaunching and Growing my Blog & of course graduating from Law School!! 

As I look forward to my 2018 Goals- the main thing I wish to accomplish; Passing the Bar Exam & personal GROWTH.

 4 Areas & Goals I'd like to slay

• Family- Spending more quality time together. Communicating better (we have a teenager, peeling back layer by layer to understand him is work) & also doing more of "experience" giving instead of acquiring more things in 2018.
  

• Faith- Being intentional about my relationship with God. Spending more intentional time with him. Starting each day with God & purposefully working on my weekly prayer project journal (You can purchase here) Continuing to attend church regularly and allow him to GUIDE EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE.
  

• Finances- We paid off over $22k in Debt this year. The goal in 2018 is to continue paying down our debt, (SAY NO TO Student Loans.) SAVING for our children's education{post about saving for education coming in 2018} & retirement (Maxing out retirement accounts is a huge tax benefit) Also, sticking to our BUDGET(If you don't already budget-- in 2018 you should CREATE ONE! This is the first step to truly mastering your finances and meeting your goals.) Lastly, lowering our expenses especially in the first half of the year, in order to save more. We have a huge move coming up in the summer and if the situation is right, we'd like to buy when we relocate.
  

• Fitness- Since trying to conceive my body has been on a roller coaster ride of hormones and as a result, weight gain. Ive talked about that in previous post, read here. I've already started working on this goal but in 2018, I plan to continue to get back in shape. I haven't set a number or goal weight because in my opinion the number isn't as important as how you look and feel.

Here's to slaying in 2018. 

If you’re unfamiliar with the medical journey, the term “away Rotations” means nothing to you. However, for those that are on the journey with a spouse in medicine, the term can be dreadful.  

For most residents, & even medical students at some point during their training they will have to “go away” to another hospital- sometimes in different states to get the training they need in a certain specialty. 

Most of the time, if you’re in a very big program or in a metropolitan area- away Rotations are not a thing. But for those in small to medium size programs located in less populated or rural areas, away Rotations are inevitable. 

On our journey we’ve endured around 10 away Rotations, & Noah just finished his LAST one this month. Hooray! 

We may have a few deployments in our future but I feel like this has been good ground for preparation, but that part of the medical journey is finally over for us. 

As such, I thought it would be helpful to lend some key advice to those who are supporting their spouse through this long and sometimes lonely journey in medicine.  

• Communicate when you can. Realize that your partner will probably be extremely busy on the hospital floor. Don’t expect text/phone calls all throughout the day, but communicate whenever possible. An Apple Watch honestly is a great way to send a quick I miss you, I love you, I’m thinking of you text without much distraction. You may not always get a response. Learn to be ok with that. & when you talk, try not to complain or argue. Chances are your spouse is under a lot of stress, pick you battles.
  

• Visit if you can: like I said above, some away rotations are in different states so this can be expensive- especially on a training budget. However if funds and time allow, go visit. If its a car ride away, pop up for a weekend. I will caution that just because you decide to visit, doesn't mean your partners obligations decrease. They still may very well be busy at the hospital, but at the very least you'll be able to spend some quality time when they're done working :)
  

• Find a hobby. I can’t stress this enough. Really keeping yourself busy makes the time fly. Find something you enjoy & DO THAT.
  

• Absence makes the heart grow fonder, thats still a thing. Distance can force you to have a greater appreciation for each other, if you view it correctly. Now if you're just going to be resentful the whole time your partner is away because you have no one to help with the kids, dishes and laundry- tough. However, if you look at it from the lens of appreciation for all that they do when they are around, when they return you appreciate them more. Its so easy to lose sight of each other going through life day to day doing the mundane. When a person is physically absent it causes you to pause and appreciate their presence. Although you may not feel like it, I’m sure they’d rather be with you & they miss you just as much as you miss them. Cherish the time apart and use it as a chance to date again: talk on the phone, plan your next date, get to know each other better.
  

• When all else fails, curl up with a bottle of wine & watch Netflix. At least then every once in a blue moon Netflix will check on you to see if you’re still there ;)

P.S. If you have children and can afford it, get some help. Pay a baby sitter to give you a day off. Take care of yourself. Go to the nail salon, do something to treat yourself. You deserve it! 

Hang in there & remember that this is only temporary!  

“ We do not remember the days, we remember the moments” - Cesare Pavese

This post is late, like over a year over due - BUT better late than never :)

I know in the future I plan to write about our life and experience with Noah being a Doctor in Air Force, but after thinking about previous blog post I realized many people may not know that Noah is a Physician in the Air Force - so here is a short post to catch you up.

Before Noah & I got married, Noah briefly entertained the idea of joining the military as a physician while in medical school.  

Fast forward to a year before medical school graduation, now married, I nudged Noah to revisit the idea of the military as a career choice.  

{Random people have always asked Noah if he was in the military before he joined- I guess it’s the bald head & his love for fitness?!}

There was a lot of thought that went into the decision and after weighing the pros & cons we decided, he should give it a shot?! We almost kick ourselves that we didn't do it sooner. 

{In case you're wondering, YES I said WE because his decision to join means that WE as a family JOIN, the direction of our family's future will largely be shaped by Noah's career in the military. I've already felt the effect with graduation from law school and deciding which bar to take- more on that later- so yes WE as a unit decided to join the military.}

After a rigorous and detailed application process (almost 2 years) Noah was officially Commissioned as Capt. Wallace in the United States Air Force. YAY!! 

We had a small commissioning ceremony at Noah’s Family Home in Maryland. 

A little before the ceremony we decided since we’d have close friends and family together all at one time, we'd surprise everyone -including ourselves- with a gender reveal!  (Which totally wasn't a thing when I had Kubb, Split Mom Problems :) 

Check out the pictures below! 

** Today's Post is Authored by the other 1/2 of LegallyMed, Doctor D.O. - Noah ** 

So you're sitting at home marveling at the official title of “Doctor of (Osteopathic) Medicine” bestowed a little over a month ago upon yourself and tens of thousands of new graduates from Medical Schools across the US.

The questions start rolling to the forefront of your Brain: “Am I really done?” …“ Wait. Those four years are really over?”… “Am I sure this is not a dream?”…..”Am I now Dr. (Insert Name)”?

Well fellow colleagues of mine (Yes! We are in fact colleagues at this point) the answer is YES! To all the above questions. The Good News: Congratulations! You have endured and maintained the mental stamina to overcome four tedious and challenging years of medical school. The Bad News: Congratulations! You begin Residency in less than 6 days as a “NEW INTERN”.

Many words have been delivered to you from higher-ups to describe the First Year of RESIDENCY: “Torture, Painstaking, Relentless, Onerous, Rigorous, Soulless, etc.”…LOL. I will stop there as I can almost feel the weight of your anxiety and fear as you read this. So now it’s time to remedy your worries and concerns with some crucial “SURVIVAL TIPS AS AN INTERN”.

As a rising third year family medicine resident I feel more than obligated to hand down 5 essential tips that I believe will guide and preserve your sanity in this upcoming year. Let’s Begin Shall We.

Survival Tip #1: “You Are the Doctor”

-This is a critical entry point as you begin your first step on the Wards as “Dr. (Insert Last Name)” and no longer “Student Doctor (Last Name)”. It’s completely understandable to feel less than worthy of that title in practice but in truth YOU EARNED THAT TITLE! And should not feel ashamed to proclaim it. You must take advantage now before you’re in too deep to understand what your role is at this level of your medical training. INTERN: You are the boots on the ground. The Work-A-Holic. The Eyes and Ears to all that will be discussed about the 4 to 5 patients you will be tasked with seeing and managing on day 1. Introduce yourself with confidence and command the attention of your patients. It will feel gut wrenching but in due time it will become second nature. This helps to develop the roles as PATIENT-PROVIDER.

Survival Tip # 2: “BE HUMBLE”

-Seems common sense but it’s a HARD LESSON LEARNED by many new Interns. Part of knowing your place in the new atmosphere of residency is respecting that YOUR NEW TO THE TEAM OR CULTURE rather. The Administrators, Nurses, Cafeteria workers, Custodial workers, Maintenance staff, and Parking Lot workers all have SOOO much more wisdom and experience than you. You must do everything possible to become a friend and servant to your hospital community. The title of “Intern” does not give you the immediate upper-hand to look down on your other team members I mentioned above. HAVE GOOD RAPPORT with them and they will do ALL they can (literally) to support your training and guide you. MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF and TRY TO IGNORE THEM and they will make these next 3 to 7 years a LIVING NIGHTMARE for you. Learn from the stories of residents who came and either succeeded or failed to befriend them before you. Cherish them and always appreciate the work they contribute to the overall operations of the facility you were fortunate to be accepted to.

Survival Tip #3: “YOU DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING”

-Medicine evolves almost at the rate the Sun rises and falls within a 24 hour period. You must take a moment to stop and truly remind yourself with the question at the start of your work day. “WHAT AM I WILLING TO LEARN or LEARN MORE ABOUT TODAY THAT I DID NOT KNOW YESTERDAY?”We as physicians have been called and assigned a high purpose to act and advocate for the best standards of medical practice to be employed to our PATIENTS! Take every available second you may have when not managing THE “SCUT WORK” to research new trials or studies on disease topics,management protocols for certain diseases, or new guidelines from national medical societies or organizations. The POINT I am really getting at is DON’T GET COMPLACENT with what you’re being taught. Question everything and be driven to explore the knowledge you are receiving for yourself.

Survival Tip #4: “LISTEN TO YOUR PATIENT NOT THE COMPUTER”

-Yes it’s here and here to stay. Electronic Medical Records. They come in different forms, models, and all those other technicalities I am under qualified to share. The reality is that they were rolled out in an effort to make the delivery of high quality, patient centered care simpler and efficient. Yet it seems in this modern era of medicine we have almost subconsciously devoted our attention to listening, touching, and seeing what a COMPUTER SCREEN tells us instead of what the actual PATIENT and their physical examination tells us. LADIES and GENTs this is a flaw so deeply entrenched into the fabric of medicine that you as the newcomers must compel yourselves to avoid. Medicine is an ART and to master this ART is to study daily the education that comes from listening, touching, and hearing your PATIENTS. A computer screen may provide you with an orderly array of patient data collected from labs, tests, or prior records but it will NEVER EVER replace the golden rule. “PATIENTS COME FIRST”.

Survival Tip #5:  “YOU ARE A HUMAN NOT A ROBOT”

-Through trial and error we have witnessed in studies what physician burn-out and or fatigue looks like. Hey Fellow colleagues there is a reason we actually do SLEEP. An 80hr work week is in no way considered normal by the general workforce population. We have heard the same tune sung by Old Timer Docs. “You’ve got it easy, in my day we didn’t have any DUTY HOUR regulations. You worked until you were told to go home.” Yea Yea Blah Blah Blah. Tell me how that worked out for the three divorces you went through and relationships with your children you failed to maintain because your WORK came first? I respect the past of medicine for what it has taught us. You as a new intern however need not rewrite history by attempting to prove your competence by staying up 24+ hours to show yourself up. I’ve got news for you buddy. YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS. These measures and regulations are to be upheld by you to remind you that you are in fact not a machine but a compilation of flesh and bones designed to expend energy but also RECOVER when necessary to be restored and ready for action. You must maintain a healthy balance in your family life(if you are married with kids like myself), personal life (travel, exercise, or find a hobby for Christ’s sake), and spiritual life (prayer, meditation, yoga, etc.). Your PATIENTS deserve your absolute best performance and if you’re not willing to deliver on that promise do us all a favor and FIND another profession before your risk hurting yourself and others around you.

OK so look, these next few days will go by fast in your mind. But we all get 24 hours in a day. Take some time to acknowledge these 5 pearls of wisdom within yourself and then TAKE OFF! We have all been there and I am still applying these same key elements daily at my current level of training.

Hope this helps guys!  A huge kiss & hug to my beautiful Wife Tekey for allowing me to take some of the Shine on the blog. 

#LegallyMed

Everyone loves to say Noah & I are #RelationshipGoals & while it's cute, sometimes I cringe because I'm always thinking "you have no idea!!" People see the external success of a Doctor & Lawyer- to be- duo & they are mesmerized with the titles having no clue what it takes to make this unit function. 

So since our anniversary is tomorrow I thought it would be ideal to share some insight for those who have similar #RelationshipGoals as us.  

• SACRIFICE - You have to be willing to sacrifice! I put this one first because I can't stress it enough.

There is a lot of behind the scenes that comes along with the title of "Doctors Wife."  A bunch of people assume because your husbands a "Doctor" everything is perfect, you're rich, & you have no problems in the world- & if you do -money can fix it! Ummmm All of those things are FALSE. Don't get me wrong, I love our life and I am not complaining at all, but it is not liken to the image people have made up in their minds for it to be!

I've gotten comments before like "You're lucky your husbands a Dr. y'all are gonna be rich" or my favorite "Why are you even in Law School? You can just be a stay at home wife who shops all day". LOL I can't laugh at these misconceptions hard enough. Breaking News: Being a "Doctors Wife" is not that glamorous.

Granted there are a ton of Doctors in certain specialties that are what the world would consider rich because of the money they make, but that is not the case for most Physicians. It is true however that we personally are rich, but it is only because we have things money cannot buy- each other :)  

A lot of people want the "perks" without doing the work.

I am here to tell you, being a Doctors Wife usually means at times you come second. Ok, first after God but seriously, your husbands patients come first! So why yes I'm lucky I get to live a totally unpredictable life most of the time. It makes for some excitement occasionally but it can also be a total buzz kill.

That date you planned & got all dressed up for can easily be put on hold when he's on call. Those typical holidays or times that are spent "with family" can sometimes be spent ALONE, yup that includes your birthday, your kids "important" events & even anniversaries. Set your expectations low- actually you might be better off having none. lol 

I joke all the time about being a "single wife." I learned the game quickly and how to master getting things done without my husband being present. Now I will say we get a lot of family time compared to some, but that was because of his sacrifice: he intentionally chose a specialty that would allow him to have a balanced family life- which means more than the monetary gain of other high-income specialties. 

Also, being married to a  law student is rough. Most of their days and nights are spent studying.  ALL. THE. TIME! If you can't sacrifice your needs for the betterment of your partners academic obligations, sorry, but It ain't for you.

I was sooooooo fortunate that Noah had gone through 2 years of medical school before I decided to go to law school. He understood my life and struggles in a way a normal Spouse or just people in general might wrestle to comprehend.

My friends would call me all the time & here's how the conversation would go

Them: What are you doing?

Me: Studying.

It got to the point that they didn't even ask when they called because they always knew the response but it was 100% accurate. Whenever I was not in class, I was usually studying. I did give myself one day a week (typically Sunday) to do nothing related to law school, but aside from that even on my longgggg commute or in the gym I listened to my outlines that were pre-recorded on my phone. I was constantly learning.

The times where I was not studying were few and far between. It takes true sacrifice to know that there isn't much "free time" to spend with your partner- so just sitting in the same room with them while reading or making up raps to help prepare for final exams, can sometimes  be "date night." {This is a picture of Noah acting as though he was in a section popping bottles, while we rapped rule statements for me to remember for an exam 1L year} 

While I enjoyed those moments and wouldn't trade them for anything, if you're not willing to understand that you can't do/date/be on the scene like everyone else (the training years are straight up Grind Time) you'll have a hard time making it work with any person in a high demanding career.  

Oh & speaking of misconceptions & sacrifice, most physician spouses who are SAHMoms/Wives that you think are with their husband for his money and stay home because they got it like that! (where?) lol  - are usually well educated women who had to put their lives on hold for their spouse.

#BecauseMarriedToMedicine

I've come to learn that for many physician spouses the decision to stay at home was typically because their partners training made it difficult with so many moves.  Most couples move at least 3x on the medical journey, if they're together from the start. (Med School, Residency, Real Job.) Usually all are different places. It's HARD to just pick up and find a new job in your career field at a beneficial pay grade every time your spouse relocates {& this isn't even adding the extra layer of being a Military Physician} I am not saying this only because it is my current reality. IT IS 100 PERCENT TRUE.

I belong to a private group on Facebook comprised of ONLY Physician spouses, and many of them are not at home because they chose to be. Sometimes on this journey - medicine will make that decision for you. THAT IS A TRUE SACRIFICE. 

Putting your career and needs on hold to ensure that your spouse fulfills their dream isn't always the fairy tale that people think. 

You can't be #RelationshipGoals if you are not willing to sacrifice things for one another. Be it a job, being close to family, starting your own family, & even simple luxuries (like a cup of coffee from Starbucks) when you're on a tight student/residents budget! 

In relationships period you have to die to self daily, but in a Marriage - it's so much more pertinent. 

• SELFLESS- You have to be Selfless! I know it sounds cliche but for real, there is no I in Team!

Acts of sacrifice, sprinkled freely throughout a marriage, make love richer and deeper. We all know that, so what's the problem with doing it?! Self. Self always gets in the way. 

Self constantly asks for more: What about my needs? What about my hurts? What about my time? Sacrificial love challenges us to give to our partner in uncomfortable or unreasonable ways — ways that cost us emotion, time and pride. If you can't put SELF aside, your relationship will surely die. 

Selflessness is not a marriage strategy but a heart transformation in Christ. Jesus defines selflessness from the Incarnation to Calvary, so to be selfless is to identify with Him. You can't teach your spouse to be selfless, if they ain't got it- you can only pray & let God do the rest.

You should desire (it shouldn't be a burden- but rather intentional) to value your partner so much that their best really is your goal too! 

Which leads me to my next point: 

A power Couple is A PRAYING COUPLE. If not for our relationship with Christ- this marriage would not work. It is so easy to fall short in your relationship when God is not the center of it. There were times when I couldn't even pray for myself, but Noah would literally get on his knees and pray for me!

There were also times where I wanted to argue [I meannnn that is what lawyers do right? Lol -I like to call them healthy debates though] and the Lord would tell me not now...and then Noah would come home and talk about losing a patient that day.

In those moments my pettiness would go out the window because what I wanted to argue about wasn't even that important. (No joke it's usually things like- him stealing my hangers or leaving closet doors open lol-OCD just a tad) But if the Lord wasn't helping me to discern- instead of being teammates comforting one another when the world seems to be getting the best of us, we'd be the source of unnecessary stress.

Don't get it twisted, we're not perfect! We "debate" but it is never that deep. 5 minutes after we go right back to being best friends (another thing that's super important, you have to be FRIENDS) and playing on the same team. (Ok sometimes a grudge may be held for an additional 10-15 minutes lol). Nevertheless, that is how it is suppose to be. We took a vow in the sight of God, for better or for worst- so we fight TOGETHER never against each other. 

Our success and love for one another is heavily influenced by our love for God. If you don't have that, in my opinion you don't have anything. 

However, when you combine sacrifice, selflessness, & Christ you have a nice blueprint to success. 

• SUCCESS: that is so much better when you're Together - Team Work is what makes a family successful together.

Children included (of course not the babies - although their nap schedule is vital to getting things done- but the older children should contribute to the success of the family as well.)

I cannot stress enough how important Kubb's role was to my success. Whether it was the occasional mom I love you for motivation or helping around the house. But most importantly he did his job! SCHOOL. I tell him all the time how important it is for him to do well in school, to study without being told, & not to get in trouble. Mainly because I have very high expectations of him. I know he's beyond capable of doing all the things I ask of him, but also it is because I didn't have too much "free time" to be up at the school ironing things out for him. The fact that he's always stepped up is such a blessing! He's always gone above and beyond at his "job" and at home. I'm proud to be his momma! 

When you're playing for the same team you do your best to hold your team down! Usually that just means just doing your part.

Not worrying about 50/50 but stepping up & filling in the gap whenever & wherever it's needed. Marriage isn't 50/50 marriage is 100/100.  If you want to argue because it was his/her time to do something and they forgot or didn't because of a long day at work/school... again, it isn't going to work for you. You gotta be willing to roll up your sleeves do the job yourself, and NOT keep score. 

True love brings out the greatest version of you. It takes a real man/woman to help your partner achieve their goals, support each other when you have nothing, push each other when you feel like giving up, shower each other with positive energy, compliment each other on a regular basis, & never kick the other while they're down. Instead- rising together in LOVE because you're ALWAYS helping each other Up!! 

If you're not willing to Sacrifice & be Selfless, your #RelationshipGoals will forever remain just that. A goal that is never achieved.  

Next time you feel the urge to hashtag #RelationshipGoals  on someones picture, take a moment to ponder what may happen behind the scenes. The highlight reel isn't always as it seems. 

Faith.Love.Commitment.

Selfless.Sacrifice.Hard Work.

Grind &Shine,Together. 

I am writing this from a place of gratitude and admiration....  

I can honestly say: I AM PROUD OF MYSELF & so thankful that I did not give up! 

This weekend I will be graduating from Law School.. something I dreamt of since I was a little girl!

~Funny Story~

My mom use to watch America's Most Wanted ALL THEE TIME when I was growing up. Although I was scared to go into dark room by myself 😅😰 because I just knew the boogie man was in my house after every episode, I remember thinking: "when I grow up I'm going to be a lawyer who sends bad guys to jail!" That coupled with Law & Order, A Time to Kill & The Good Wife had me committed to this dream of one day becoming an attorney.

(Newsflash- It's not like it seems on TV.. but that's a different post haha) 

& well here I am today, one step closer to accomplishing that dream 😩😁🎉

I didn't really do anything that the next person couldn't do, you just have to Set Goals & Accomplish them! 

Here are 5 things to encourage you to  Just do it: 

• 1. Start by Starting - There's something about starting that seems shameful. We tend to look at other people who have been further on the journey we're headed towards and get discouraged. DONT. Be inspired by the people who have gone before you. Stop allowing comparison to hold you back. It really is the thief of Joy. Be proud of where you start & celebrate the small accomplishments along the way. It's going to make the success feel so much better in the end.

• 2. Write IT Down - I truly believe in Writing the Vision & Making it Plain. Confession: I am a planner. I love to plan things. I love cute stationary, & I have about 4 active "calendar/todo list" I reference a few times a day. It keeps me organized & on track but more importantly, it keeps me focused! There's something about SEEING it written down that makes it tangible. & checking things off your "list" makes you feel like you're getting things done- Making progress towards the finish line, & it helps to keep you going. If you don't already, I'd encourage you to write down what you see yourself accomplishing in the next year, & work every day, week and month - at fulfilling that goal. You'd be amazed at how much can change in a year ;)

• 3. You DO NOT NEED their approval - In this digital age where everyone seems to be looking for validation & approval through social media, remember that you weren't put on this earth to please people. You don't need any ones approval for what you feel led to do.... oh & guess what, you will never be successful trying to be a people pleaser- it's impossible!!

 Also, do not allow someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of yours. Not everyone will understand, not everyone will think you can do it. That is ok, God did not give them your vision for a reason, he gave it to YOU to see what you'd do with it despite the adversity & what "they" have to say. Once you realize that he has equipped you with all you need and that the approval of man will always amount to nothing, you'll begin to thrive. & do so abundantly! (In other words, ignore the haters lol)

• 4. Don't get in your OWN way - Confession: before committing to going to law school I was holding myself back. I made every excuse in the book during my senior year of college as to why I wasn't going right away....("I just wrote a thesis, my brain needs a break... I'm going to just work a year... I have a kid, I need a job... Law school will always be there.... I will go ..... eventually.") Eventually turned into three years and everything I "tried" doing during that 3 year period wasn't really fulfilling, and it never seemed to "work out." As soon as I stepped out on Faith and decided to take the LSAT to jumpstart the process of me going to law school, EVERYTHING FELL INTO PLACE! *If you've been a reader of my blog since the beginning, you know what I mean :)

If you continue to talk YOURSELF out of it, IT will never get done. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Once you start believing you can do something, you realize that you actually CAN. Don't waste time holding yourself back making excuses or thinking that you can't. Even if no one else believes in You, YOU have to believe in YOURSELF! 

• 5.  FAITH it until you make it- even in the stages where you don't see your thing working out, and you hit road blocks and hardships.....you HAVE to keep going. When you are called to do something IT will not be easy! No really. It will not be easy! You have to trust YOUR process & wait on God by Faith, what he began in you he will be faithful to complete. The race is not to the swift and fast, but to those who continue to endure. Finish the RACE & you will reap the REWARD.

You are Powerful, Brilliant, Beautiful & Brave.

Go Make {IT} Happen

*Smiling for a whole 'nother reason, all smiles through all Four Seasons*  

If you are friends with me on Facebook, & Instagram then you already knew this.. but on the off chance you didn't & read the "Who We Are" like who is Ian?! ... lol - WE HAD A BABY!  👶🏽

I know you're probably thinking "people have babies everyday B" 🤣 But still.. for us, this is a miracle as you know if you follow my blog.

After suffering 3 miscarriages we finally got to meet our Rainbow Baby- Noah Ian on Feb 14, 2017 (his birth story will come at a later date) so we're beyond Excited. & Thankful. & Grateful. & Hype. & Blessed.

      God did that!! 

So before going any further allow us to introduce the newest edition:

  #BabyBae  

           📟 Paging Dr. Cutie  

For this child we have prayed & the Lord granted our petition. 1 Samuel 1:27 💙

Seems like just yesterday we were saying our "I Do's" & then exactly a month later we are saying "See you later" .. It's bittersweet when u have a person with you for a month straight and then they leave for a month... lol this is currently me and Doc W's situation..

Congratulations to him.. he's made it to his final year of medical school. Officially an MS4. While I am extremely happy for hubbs, this left me to be here ... in this new city .. no friends .. no family.. all alone .. I've taken this time though to really get in tune with myself.. have heartfelt conversations with God, and to prepare for the year that is ahead for me.

As a new wife & a mother away from her support system, I know this year will be "Tough" but I feel like God has given me this time to prepare.. peace and solitude "ALONE" because it will not always be this way. I truly understand why Paul says its better to be single than to marry.. You have to devote so much of your attention to your spouse & their needs that sometimes you neglect your own.. better yet... sometimes you neglect time with God.

So I am honestly taking full advantage and loving it.

I miss the kid tremendously though. He's been with his dad for almost 3 weeks & will be with him the entire summer.. The first couple of days were rough but now I'm "ok" .. Thankfully Hubbs will be home tomorrow for a few days because he has to take his step 2 board exam this weekend..  & I will be going home this weekend to visit the KID & Family.. I miss them!

It's been a long while since I've posted. Sorry to myself.. But I've been super busy with preparing for this next chapter in my life.

Doc W & I officially tied the knot on May 30, 2014, ( post & pics coming soon) hence my absence with wedding planning 

& as of today we moved in together!! 

As I drove away from my family & friends yesterday I couldn't help but shed tears thinking about this huge step I am taking (moving 4 hours from family) & being a wife. -- The memories were flooding my thoughts on the way to our new "home" and I was over come with a ballet of emotions. 

Although I didn't move to another state lol this is still a huge step. Having not only the responsibility of being a mom with no support system, but also being a wife. It's technically just us and we are all we have out here in this new place.. It's scary but exciting! 

I have a lot of "Important" stuff to handle for the next couple of weeks & then once we settle in I think it will actually hit me that I'm here to stay because as of now I just feel like I'm visiting! Lol 

My goal is to post more, share my blog with friends & family so they can remain up to date, & continue using it as my outlet ... 

I know I haven't posted in a while .. It's been a busy beginning of the year for me.  

Been so excited planning our "Wedding" & enjoying being engaged to my best friend. This weekend we had our engagement pictures taken at our Alma Mater (HU) & I couldn't have been happier when the photographer sent a sneak peek to Facebook this AM. 

Here they are!  Dying to see the rest :) 

--- Love. Love. Love. 

I don't even know where to begin but ... We are officially Engaged!!! So this means I'm officially off the Market, & I'm one step Closer to becoming Mrs. W 😁. 

I get to share my life with my best friend & soul mate. God has truly brung us together & I'm forever grateful for his blessing & grace. 

Here's how it all went down .. 

The future Hubby & I went ring shopping back in June or so... I speculated that he would propose around our anniversary Nov 30 BUT I GUESS THAT WAS TOO OBVIOUS so I was clearly wrong! 

On NYE my dream finally came true! Doc W is a 3rd year medical student (all my MS WIFE'S AND DOC'S WIFE'S KNOW MY STUGGLE) .. & he told me he had to work NYE so I didnt expect to see him.

I got dressed all cute for NYE service that began @ 9 .. upon arrival of course everyone wanted to know where he was & I'm like oh he had to work, blah blah blah.. each time someone asked I got sad.. but I realized this would be a reality for us in his profession... some holidays would be spent alone, so get us to it is what I kept telling myself...

So....

Fastforward to around 11:15 he walks in-(I didn’t see him at all even though I was sitting near the door smh) as someone was giving their testimony and he was blurted out an "Amen” so I turned around like what are u doing here lol.. with the confused face I gritted on him & mouthed “u lied to me” lol he asked for the mic next to give his testimony.. then walked to the front of the church.. I’m thinking at this time what the heck is he doing everyone else did this from their seat why are u going to the front, that's so extra.. and he proceeded to give his testimony and then he said: “but I can’t go into 2014 without applying a certain verse that I’ve meditated on for my entire life, Proverbs 18:22 says that He who finds a wife finds a good thing (when I heard that I dropped into the seat & began crying lol) & he called me to the front "can u come up here".. and the rest was a blur… before I knew it he was on his knee and I was saying yes!

I was so excited I didn’t even see the ring until someone screamed that’s a “rock, let me see” & I looked down & screamed!!!!! It was exactly what I always dreamt of a "Yellow Diamond" :)

I never expected to get this until maybe well into His career, he certainly made a dream come true! 

I love him & 5 days later I'm still sooooooo Happy! 

Well not technically alone because my immediate family still had dinner together, but no GiGi( my Grandma went to ATL to visit my oldest cousin) or Doc W. Unfortunately hubs is on his internal medicine rotation and had to work thanksgiving day.... Seeing as though he's not a hop skip and a jump a way we didn't get to see one another! Bummer, yea I know... Not sure how you doc wives get use to that but I guess I will figure it out over time...

Thanksgiving was still phenomenal as always! Just thankful for another opportunity to come together with family and share Gods goodness in our lives each and everyday... God has certainly blessed me in the last couple of months! There's so much to always be greatful for...

I pray you all have enjoyed your thanksgiving and time off with family!

In other news our anniversary is tomorrow... And Doc W sent me flowers to work... (Yes I had to go in for about 4 hours..smh) but they were a complete surprise... Totally brightened up my day and office space!

Ohhhhh how I'm counting down to Cyber Monday, not really a fan of the Black Friday crowds.

Happy Holidays folks!

As of late I haven't been posting-- life has been extremely busy! I'm 11 Days away from my October LSAT. Me & Doc W did have study date last Wednesday --- 

He was preparing for his end of Rotation test- & me the LSAT..

He was finish with Surgery a week early so he came to spend time with me! So relaxing and exciting. && I'm glad we made it through that Rotation. Pediatrics started today. Let's see what that brings other than germs. Lol 

I attempted to take a practice test today & could not focus after 1section. Blah! I'm sooo over studying at this point! 

This past weekend was amazing! I accompanied Doc W to his youngest sisters wedding in MD/DC, where in his fathers absence- (who passed away when Doc W was 11 of heart disease-)he walked her down the aisle. 

So sweet!! The ceremony was at the Beautiful Tudor Park with a casual backyard reception @ her new in-laws estate. They truly made the day "Theirs" from the matching shoes, to the custom music selection. It was beautiful to witness! Congrats Maya & Prince..

&& of course EVeRYoNE is expecting us to be "Next" :) --stay tuned. 

I have to study, practice test, study, practice test. For the next few days. But I will try to post on how things go! ;-) 

Countdown to me getting my life back.