So usually I always disclaim how "I am not an expert" on any of the things I write about, I just share my experience.. well for this post. I feel like I am more than qualified based on my resume to consider myself an expert in this arena!

I managed to graduate from high school, college, & law school with a kid in tow & was “crazy” enough to decide to have another baby during law school.  So I think I have more than enough insight and expertise to share.

I want to start by saying this, having a baby in law school IS NOT for everyone! It would be a disservice to not acknowledge that everyone's SITUATION, dynamic and circumstances are different, as such, people should ALWAYS do what works for them.

However; I've been asked more than I can remember now, “what’s it’s like, if I should, & what to expect having a baby in law school” therefore, I am sharing my experience. Be it an aspiring law student, current law student who doesn’t want to wait to begin a family, and even inquisitive attorneys who sometimes ask "how I did it?!” because they just couldn't imagine adding the stress of motherhood or a baby while in law school. Here’s your answer.

Finally writing this post, almost three years post law school graduation, and two years as a practicing attorney to encourage someone else who may be on or considering the journey of law school and motherhood. 

First things first... like I said above; it is NOT for everybody. You have to know yourself and your abilities before consciously or unconsciously decide to have a baby period, & you definitely have to consider what that looks like to do so during such a rigorous course of study if you’re in law school or it’s in your sights.

If you aren’t in law school yet, & you’re still just considering applying, I will be the first to tell you IT IS HARD. Law school is like nothing I’ve ever done before. It’s long nights, it’s lots of reading, it’s lots of information to retain, it requires a ton of time, dedication, money & energy. But if you’re determined to go, determined to get a law degree; law school is doable- “What like it’s hard?!” Lol

For those in law school, you already know what the Journey to JD is like so there’s no need to even speak further about it. Solidarity.

But I will say this, even with a spouse. Even with a baby. Even with a family. Even with no money. Even with no support. You can still go to law school, have a baby, pass the bar & become a successful attorney if that is your goal.

Now back to the point of this post.

The decision to have a baby in law school. - My Case Study

For me it felt like it was only apropos. As I said before, I had a baby in high school, who followed me to college…. so why not have a baby in law school? At this point it's tradition right? OG School Momma. Haha ok, it's not that easy of a choice & definitely wasn’t the easiest journey, however I survived and you can to.

Here are a few things you should consider to determine if it’s the right thing for you.

• Timing. I think the most important aspect of this decision for me was the timing, and there weren’t many other “benefits” better than this.

When it comes to the outlay of your day, having a baby while in law school made the most sense to me. You're not on the clock from 9-5 which means just a tab bit of flexibility, & “freedom.” (I use quotation marks because let’s face it, there is no such thing as freedom in law school, that case law, those books, moot court, trial ad, law review-OWN YOU!) So you’re free “allegedly,” to create a schedule around your classes that fits YOUR school and family needs.

One of the best decisions I made, was to treat law school like a full time job. Your classes will usually fall between the hours of 8am-5pm with breaks in between. Utilizing the "free time" between classes to get work done, prepare for meetings, finish projects, etc. so that when I got home in the evening, I got a break, albeit small- before diving back into my books for the evening, was a game changer. This allowed me to truly have some semblance of balance. Also, when you’re pregnant this room in your schedule allows time for doctors appointments and “naps” when needed lol - Something you can’t take advantage of while working as an attorney full time. 

For me, this was a major factor in considering if we wanted to add a baby during or after law school. It made the most sense for us to take advantage of the flexibility I'd have in my schedule while in school, rather than having to take time off work had we waited until after law school. (Edited to add that although we “planned” this pregnancy for this very reason, God had other plans and I still had another baby my first year as a big girl attorney, a post on that will come later)

• Maternity Leave- in law school there is no such thing as maternity leave. 

You're still responsible for assignments

You're still required to stick to the attendance policy if your school has one.

You don’t get “sick” days or time off so that can be stressful. Not every pregnancy is without sickness or complications so this MUST be a major consideration.

• Health Insurance- You may not have the proper health insurance coverage which can lead to medical debt. I was covered by the insurance at my husbands job. However, we still had to come out of pocket a couple of grand for delivery :( I say delivery because, under the Affordable Care Act, prenatal care (leading up to delivery) is free for most, if not all women.

Some law schools offer a health insurance plan for students that can be rolled into your tuition. But unless you are paying for school without loans, realize this is a loan and money you’ll have to pay back so consider the expense/debt that comes along with this option.

• Childcare - I can’t think if any professional school that offers childcare, babysitting, or any similar service for their students if there is one, comment below so my readers can know :) Once the baby is born, you will have to go back to class, because again there is no maternity leave that won’t delay your graduation date. Unless your partner is a stay at home parent, or you have a live-in relative, chances are you’ll have to find care for your new baby outside the home. This is not always easy. Not only is it a challenge to find reliable caregivers, who are qualified, and will take great care of your baby I’m your absence. . For many moms, leaving their new babies in someone else’s care for 6+ hours a day leads to mental, physical, and emotional stress.

We had our baby in the final semester of my 3L year when my schedule provided much more flexibility than 1L or 2L year. I had classes only 3 days a week and had various breaks in between classes. I was able to partner with a classmate who I trusted who had an alternate schedule. Since we had classes on different days, she watched Ian on the days/times I had class until graduation. Roughly 3 months. She lived very close to campus so I would drop off Ian on my way to campus, with all his essentials. I would have to pump in between classes and would leave the milk with her on pick up for the next time he was over.

We found a system that worked for us, but it was not easy. I went to school just a couple of weeks after delivery (there was a short break in time for spring break) I lived over an hour from campus so car rides with a newborn to three month old was not always an hour. There were stops for diaper changes and feedings, and cuddling on many occasions, which made me have to adjust my schedule as to when I’d leave for class and so forth.

Thankfully we weren’t far from graduation so things weren’t too bad but this can be a huge game-changer for many in their 1L or 2L year.

• Money- Children are expensive I think the newest data out there suggest that it cost a little over $230,000 to raise a child until they are 17 years old. (This is 2020 data) The first year is usually one of the most costly. There are essential baby items you NEED: Car Seats, Basinet/Crib/ Clothing, Formula (if you are not breastfeeding- the formula for babies is EXPENSIVE) & all the other little things that babies need, they add up. So this is certainly something to consider. If you are a full-time law student chances are you do not (because you are not allowed to) have a job, and therefore you are either living off savings, family support, student loans, or a combination of these things. So the cost of having a baby should be one of the main things to account for when making this decision.

I hope that this was helpful, as I said before everyone’s situation is unique and you have to do what is best for you. My goal was to let you know what you should consider, and also, that it is POSSIBLE to do! If you end up on the wild journey of mothering and law school, feel free to contact me to chat via email or social media, I love making Law Mom Friends :)

The Best Ways to save for your CHILD'S future

Let me start by saying...no one said you have to save for your child's college. College may not be in your kid's future, you may not have the ability to provide for their college financially, or you may not want to! All of that is just fine, if you're wanting to put something away to assist your kid with college, but have absolutely no idea where to start (like we were just a few months ago) then this post is for you!

We decided we would like to help our kids with college if they choose to do that. My main concerns:

-We are still so young, and plan to have a lot of living left to do. There are a lot of unknowns and I'm afraid to lock money away we may need in the future. For example, even though we have a great start to our retirement, what if something happens that inhibits us from putting more money away for the next 30 years (loss of a job, a disability etc.)

-What if they chooses not to go to college, or don’t need the money later for other reasons? For example receives a full ride to school or lots of scholarship. 

-We'd like to continue to save for another down payment on our next house.

-I want to have control over the account, because I'm a control freak.

We decided to do a combination of a couple of these routes, in order to best address my concerns. The primary ways I suggest considering to save for your child's college is one of these three ways:

1. Your own Roth IRA

2.  A State's 529 Plan

3.  Coverdell ESA (Education Savings Account)

Roth IRA

My personal favorite way to save for your child's college, is through your own Roth IRA. The biggest concern I have with people saving/paying for their child's college, is when the parents don't have their own financial future in order. By the time your child is in college, you need to feel pretty good about where you are in your current state, and retirement if you want to start paying for their education. That's why I love saving for college in a Roth IRA. Stocking up money in your own Roth IRA allows you to make sure you are not neglecting your future. As a reminder, a Roth IRA is money you're putting a side, after paying taxes on it. That means you can pull out the money tax-free later. The beauty of this is since you've already paid taxes on it, after 5 years you can pull out contributions (not earnings) tax-free, and when you are retirement age you can pull all of it out tax-free. I do not encourage ever touching your retirement account early, except in this circumstance if you are secure in what you have saved for your own retirement. If you don't have a Roth IRA, or don't know what that is, I've mentioned it before here. Even if you're not thinking about your child's college, I love Roth IRA accounts. 

Pros:

1. You're not neglecting your own retirement and financial future

2. Pull contributions out without a penalty as long as it has been 5 years or more since you put that money in. (also when you pull money out, you assume you're pulling out contributions first, which is good) This also applies for pulling money out for things like a down-payment or emergency

3. You always have control over the money, even when your child is in college

4. If your child doesn't go to college, you can still use the money for other things in retirement. You don't lose it or face a penalty to use it for something else

Cons:

1. Contribution limits are $5,500 per year. If you and your spouse both have Roth IRA's you can each contribute that much towards your own.

2.  No current tax breaks. You're paying taxes before you put the money in.

3. Can only pull out contributions without a penalty.  If you pull out investment income you will pay a penalty and tax.

529 Plans

These are my second favorite, and we opened one of these for our kids. Each state has a 529 plan, and you can set one up in whatever state, no matter what state you live in. This one is a bit trickier, because every state is different. We live in Virginia, and they have a great 529 plan in my opinion.

Pro:

1. Contribution Limits are practically non existent in my book. (you can only contribute until the balance for the beneficiary reaches $360,000...I can guarantee you we won't be saving that much for college)

2. Contributions may be deductible on your state income tax return. (This depends on your state. Virginia does, for example, which is great since we live/work here and I pay Virginia state tax. It wouldn't help someone in Oklahoma to do this, unless they were working in Virginia and paying state tax there.

3. Your child does not get ownership when they turn 18, you retain control

4. The gains are never taxed if used for qualified education expenses. 

5. If your child gets a scholarship, you can pull out the money equal to the scholarship amount without a penalty. The earnings will be subject to income tax at that point. That isn't so bad though. 

Con:

1.  You cannot pay for school expenses prior to college (example private school for high school)

2.  There is a penalty for spending the money on non-educational expenses.

3. Also if you pull money out, unlike a Roth IRA you are considered to be pulling out both contributions and earnings. So it cannot double as a retirement or emergency fund for you without being penalized for taking money out.

4. Pay attention to the fees and that there is stable management with whomever you decide to fund your 529 through. 

Coverdell Education Savings Account

Lastly, the ESA. There is nothing wrong with an ESA, there are some great things about them, but we primarily made the decision not to fund an ESA at this time because, I don't want our kids to have control over the account and I have no intention of ever paying for private school for them. These accounts are also fantastic ways to save, and if you're thinking of private school for K-12 I'd highly consider this. There is a big limitation based on income.

Pro:

1. You can use the money to pay for qualified K-12 education expenses

2.  Contributions are post-tax, and the investment income generated is never taxed if you pay for qualified expenses
3. Rumor has it you have more control over the investments in an ESA compared to a 529
4. If your child gets a scholarship, you can pull out the money equal to the scholarship amount without a penalty. The earnings will be subject to income tax at that point. That isn't so bad though. 

Con:

1. Each child can only receive $2,000 a year put into their ESA

2. Depending on the plan, your child owns the ESA when they reach 18 (so if your child decides to pull the money out to pay for whatever the cool gadget is in 2035, the child will pay a huge penalty and all you can do is smack them upside the head). I love our boys, and I'm sure they will grow up to be a great kids, but I know that my parents were smart not handing me a $60,000+ check when I turned 18 and saying "here, this is for college" because we all know where that would have gone (anything but college) 

3. Beneficiary must use the account before turning 30

DISCLAIMER: This is a quick once-over of the plans that I found to be most interesting. This does not detail every aspect of the plan, and I am not giving this as expert advice. My advice is to the average person looking to compare these 3 ways of saving for your child's college. Please see a financial adviser for more information.

UGMA- Uniform Gift to Minors Act, not necessarily focused on education. It is a trust account with a group of assets you are gifting to your child. A major drawback is that the child gets full control at 18 or 21. The parent is no longer in control and you cannot change the beneficiary to another child after they reach the age of majority.  Also, it will have negative financial aid impacts because it is considered income. Can be used on anything, not just education cost. 

Edited to add: Since this post was published the IRS has updated its rules surrounding 529 accounts. As of 2018: “You can use the money in a 529 account for K–12 private-school education” This is something you should be be aware of what the time frame is in which you’re investing money in the 529 plan.

Also the law change in 2019, has now made it possible to use your 529 to pay for your student loans: “ The Setting Every Community Up for Retirement Enhancement Act, a spending bill known as the SECURE Act, established a lifetime limit of $10,000 from a 529 plan that can be used without any penalties or tax consequences to repay the beneficiary's student loans, including federal and most private loans. An additional $10,000 can be used to repay student loans held by each of the beneficiary's siblings.”

If you still don’t know where to get started, check out COLLEGEBACKER.COM it is a great website to use to fund your 529 plan, and you can also have family members make contributions as gifts as well, a gift that can grow overtime, yes please!!! It makes it really easy to save for college. They provide recommendations on investment portfolios and manage the portfolio for you & I am not getting paid to refer you to their site :) 

It was on Fathers Day two years ago that we learned of our first pregnancy. I was so excited to tell Noah on Father's Day that he was going to be a Poppa for the first time!! Although that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, God loves to bring things full circle and last year on Father's Day we found out we were expecting Ian!  

So this year for Fathers Day I figured it would be a great time to share his birth story & honor my husband for the amazing role he played in it!  

--CAUTION--

 POST IS KIND OF LENGHY- IF YOU'RE JUST HERE FOR THE PICS-SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM 

--PROCEED--  

As I've mentioned before, I commuted over an hour both ways to law school everyday (well 3x a week last semester 3L year) so when I got pregnant, one of the first things that crossed my mind was when and where will I deliver this baby?!

I was terrified that I'd go into labor at school, my husband not being able to get there in time, or even worst - going into labor in the car & having to give birth alone on the side of the road. Thank God none of those things happened- but they did cross my mind -- almost daily. 

As I approached 35 weeks I started to think of a game plan. I had classmates who were on board to drive me "home" if possible, but more importantly get me to the nearest hospital if need be.  

When I went to my 35 week appointment I asked my doctor about induction. I was just too nervous about having the baby in some random place because everyone kept telling me the second time around "they slide right out" despite the time in between births.  So even though I wanted to go into labor naturally, I wasn't willing to risk it. {because, in law school- you don't get maternity leave. A post about having a baby in law school coming soon.} 

So after speaking with my doctor, she  recommended the earliest to do an induction to be 39 weeks. I was absolutely annoyed if I'm being honest. I had a very difficult pregnancy. Not difficult in the sense of complications. We had a Healthy baby, which I was extremely grateful for. No high blood pressure issues or anything. But I was sick. All. Day. Every. Day. Morning/all day sickness.

Zofran became my best friend. But even on that I'd still have dates with the toilet, daily for all 39 weeks. So when she said I had to wait 4 more weeks I was a tad bummed!! I was so over being pregnant & sick at that point. 

Despite how I felt, the health of the baby was all that really mattered so I sucked it up. We looked at her schedule, my schedule, & my husbands to coordinate & decide what the best day for induction would be. I turned 39 weeks on a Monday, so I asked her to do it THAT DAY and we'd figure the rest out :) I also didn't have class on Mondays so it was perfect!  

We didn't even realize until later that the Monday I turned 39 weeks was the day before Valentine's Day. I just wanted the baby out. I was ready to meet my prince, & finally get rid of the "morning" sickness.  

Noah was on hospital medicine that month- one of the tougher rotations in residency, because the schedule is so demanding. [6 days a week 6am-7/8pm] no fun! Unfortunately for us also, during this rotation no one is allowed to request days off. Yup. Even if you're having a baby.

So we scheduled the induction for 6pm. I figured Noah could at least ask to get off early & we'd be at the hospital that evening. Well.. he was approved to get off early, but it still ended up being late - 5:30 pm lol. A friend of ours who is also a resident with Noah, agreed to allow Kubb to stay the night over with her & her husband so she could take him to school the next morning while we were at the hospital. Which was such a big help because none of our family is close by & no one would be coming until after the baby came home from the hospital.

----- Up until 39 weeks I tried everything in the world to induce labor hahaha all those "old wives tales" I tried. YUP, all of them & guess what?? NOTHING worked. NOT ONE THING- (I even ate pineapple which I am allergic to. That is how desperate I was! lmaooooo  ----- 

Anyway 6:30pm on Feb. 13th we were finally on our way to the hospital- only 2 mins from our house. I contemplated walking there to get my last few miles in to get the baby out, but we drove because who was going to carry my hospital bag, the baby bag, and Noah's bag while I wobbled up the block lol.

Once we got there all the nurses who Noah had worked with for the past 2 years were happy to see me. They were all extremely nice and super accommodating. Noah still had notes for work to finish up so while they were getting me hooked up and the cervidil (induction medication) inserted, he was on his laptop doing work. 

From 8pm to 12am there wasn't much excitement. Light contractions here and there.. but I was managing. Getting up to use the bathroom every 30 mins it seemed. Around 1am things took a turn! Contractions became more intense and closer, & I requested some paid medication which was given through my IV (stadol) I never desire to take again in life. It made me feel sooo loopy, I couldn't even formulate words so I just tried to go to sleep. Without much success might I add because sleep & labor don't mix well. 

Around 1am I asked for more pain meds. IDK what they gave me, (probably (Stadol) - but hey it worked. I was able to fall asleep for a little. But around 3am I woke up in the worst pain -- { shout out to all the women who do it natural, y'all are the real MVP// I knew I wasn't about that life. I wanted the drugs with Kubb and this Birth was no different lol I have a low tolerance for pain so I would never even attempt, call me a wimp - oh well.} 

Anyway, around 3am they checked me I was only about 5cm ughhhh progress but not enough I was ready to get him out, my Doctor wouldn't let me get an epidural until I was at least 6cm so I had to suffer through a few more hours of pain. This time I refused to get Stadol again because of how it made me feel. 

Finally around 6am my Doctor came in and checked me, decided to start pitocin and take the cervidil out. When she did that things really picked up. 

The pitocin had my contractions coming very frequently and intense, so I was begging for an epidural lol. 

My friend/classmate, who was also pregnant volunteered to come along and help because she - [ 1. Wanted to know what she was going to be facing in 10 weeks. 2. We didn't have any family around as stated before for support in the room. 3. She was going to help with getting Kubb from school and to the hospital once the baby arrived. ] She arrived right before my doctor  broke my water around 7:30 am and then I got the epidural. Whew. I felt much better, I could actually talk again. I was finally able to relax a little. & Rest! 

That relaxation didn't last long, about 2 hours later my Doctor came in to check me again and I was 9cm so she said ITS TIME TO GET READY! 

Although I was relieved it was showtime, I was starting to get nervous. The same thing happened with Kubb. When it was time to actually push the baby out for some reason I was like ummm-  wait no is there any other way. I'm not ready. Pineapples. hahaha 

Nevertheless, thats the most beautiful part of the whole story... Pushing the baby out. Right?! 

So Noah or should I say: Dr. Wallace at this point and my OB had agreed that he would actually do the delivery, she was there for oversight in case anything went left and she needed to take over since he was too emotionally attached. So he began to robe up. He went from Husband mode, to Doctor mode real quick...(& it was pretty sexy ;)) I was thankful that my friend had come along because even though my hubby is superman, there was no way he could hold my hand, my legs, encourage me, and get the baby out at the same time. Having her there was a blessing.

SHOWTIME  

It was time to push and I was readyyyyyy- well at least I thought I was. With Kubb I pushed for all of 10 mins and he was born. So with Ian I was expecting 2 pushes max and "He's out." lol it didn't quite work out like that. More like 6 GOOD Pushes. 

I began to push and Noah was actually a great motivator and encourager, he was telling me how much of a good job I was doing, and that the baby was coming --- after about 2 good pushes however, I may or may not have yelled at everyone to stop telling me that was a good push- because I'm working my butt off, so WHERE IS THE BABY?! 

I figured if they kept saying that was a good push the baby should be here lol so the nurse went and got a mirror so I could see what they all saw, him making his way downtown :) 

Thats when I wanted to quit though, it was 10 mins in, the baby wasn't here I was pushing the hardest and I felt defeated. {I don't know how women push for hours, OMG kudos to those SUPERWOMEN!!!} 

Noah asked if I was ready to push again, and I said "No I cant do it" everyone in the room told me I could- and he was just a few pushes away from being here. So I began to push again after about 3 mins of contemplating others ways to get the baby out, without having to be cut. lol 

So I pushed. and PUSHED. AND PUSHED. & then bam -- he WAS HERE!!! 

Poppa caught him and introduced him to me, although he was screaming at us because we ruined his peaceful womb vibes he was as sweet as can be! Then the Nurse said : "It's A Valentine's Day Baby" & I thought how perfect! This has certainly been a labor of Love. Welcome to the World- LOVE CHILD. 

Looking back it really wasn't bad. I pushed for all of 20 minutes maybe, my husband did amazing at coaching me and getting him into this world without any complications - but more importantly he was perfect & healthy! He was everything I prayed for & more. 

All the morning sickness suddenly became absolutely worth it- he was the best reward. 

It was the most amazing experience ever watching my husband deliver his first child, our son! I was finally able to see his passion and love for delivering babies shine!

My friend told me how beautiful it was to watch, & how we fed off of each other working well as a team through the entire delivery.  

Although he's been a bonus dad to Kubb, it has been a joy to watch him with his mini - {no really, he's his little twin. I did all that work, was sick for 39 weeks and Ian looks just like his Poppa. I feel slighted.} 

Noah gave "I brought you in this world and I can take you out" a whole new meaning that day.  ;)

I enjoyed seeing my husband in Doctor Mode, maybe we'll do this again someday ;)  

Noah Ian 7lbs of perfection

Happy Fathers Day ❣️

*Smiling for a whole 'nother reason, all smiles through all Four Seasons*  

If you are friends with me on Facebook, & Instagram then you already knew this.. but on the off chance you didn't & read the "Who We Are" like who is Ian?! ... lol - WE HAD A BABY!  👶🏽

I know you're probably thinking "people have babies everyday B" 🤣 But still.. for us, this is a miracle as you know if you follow my blog.

After suffering 3 miscarriages we finally got to meet our Rainbow Baby- Noah Ian on Feb 14, 2017 (his birth story will come at a later date) so we're beyond Excited. & Thankful. & Grateful. & Hype. & Blessed.

      God did that!! 

So before going any further allow us to introduce the newest edition:

  #BabyBae  

           📟 Paging Dr. Cutie  

For this child we have prayed & the Lord granted our petition. 1 Samuel 1:27 💙